I’ve resolved myself to trying to write here at least once a week. I need to reprogram myself into writing more about my triumphs rather than my misgivings and uncertainties. Seems pretty cheesy to me, but there has to be some merit to it if so many different programs subscribe to a variation of the philosophy. If anything, I do realize that a good portion of change needs to begin with me and how I view myself.

Currently, I’m arrogant with no basis. I’m intelligent but naive. I’ve the social skills of a Neanderthal. This personal view of myself doesn’t lend to building much confidence in my abilities.

What I’ve done successfully up to this point is ace tests. College is a perfect example. While some of the content is still shaky, I can honestly say that I’m barely breaking a sweat when it comes to doing the work required of me. Either the course instructors are horribly easy to please or I do have a talent in quickly understanding the material laid out before me. College, in of itself, has been a great ego lift in the sense that it validates that perhaps I am as intelligent as my friends think me to be. However, I still don’t have the people to talk to in order to better understand the content I’m being taught or to reinforce my weekly activities … but that’s not a me thing, that’s an environmental thing.

I rise to a challenge most of the time. My ASVAB, my medical records, and now my credit history are all recent examples of my ability to tackle a project head on. My exercise regimen is lagging a little bit due to injuries that I keep giving myself or the occasional day of laziness, but I’ve been sticking to it the best I can. My scheduling skills could use some help, but I understand that what it really comes down to is working on my discipline. I’ve lived the life of an upper-middle class prince. I’ve grown accustomed to doing things when it suited my whim … however, such isn’t the case in the Military.  I need to start planning ahead and getting to where I say I’m going to be at least 5 minutes ahead of schedule.

My short term goals are extremely military related.  I want to achieve the rank of PFC before I even ship off to boot.  That means I need to work on my physical body since I’ve already passed my eleven FS tests. I have time to fail the test, but not much. In the meantime, I need to keep to the walk-to-run schedule. I should also speak with my recruiter about the 1-1-1 Assessments that I should be getting.

Another short term goal is to wrap up things with my college and my lenders, however, such endeavors will have to wait until after 20100104. By then I should know what is going to happening in regards to issues that may have an effect on my DEP.  Those same issues will also result in a change of my Major with UAT.  It may just be more feasible to Withdraw and then re-register later, but for now I’ll be taking a “Leave of Absence”. A Leave of Absence gives me 180 days (approx. 6 months) to do what I need to do. I also need to notify the grantors of my student loan of my enlistment and see if I can get those payments deferred until such a time that I can both resume my schooling and get into some sort of rhythm with my life in the military.

Long term goals include a shift in my personal perception. Some of the military training will help, but the change has to start with me. I want to become more sure of myself and my decisions – I hate this feeling of always second guessing myself. I want to change my arrogance into justified self-confidence. I want knowledge to compliment my intelligence. And while I don’t necessarily want to be liked by everyone, I want to be able to feel comfortable around people without having the urge to sit someplace by myself. I’m already working on the knowledge with my going to college. My confidence increases every time I tackle something head on … the social awkwardness is a bit harder for me to grapple. Perhaps I just need to stop analyzing people and realize that sometimes communication isn’t just about the exchange of information but communication also serves as means to alleviate the loneliness we all feel in our lives.